On a walk with S (4 yrs old) and our neighbor whose first name is Guy stopped to talk to us. After he left, this conversation ensued:
S: "Who was that?"
Me: "You know who that was, that's our neighbor Guy."
S: "No, what's his name?"
Me: "Guy."
S: "No, what is the man's name?"
Me: "I told you, his name is 'Guy'"
Our version of Who's On First.
For her birthday she got games:
E: "It's all about kids"
Me: "No it's not all about you. Sometimes it's about Mommy's and Daddy's."
AJ: "There would be no kids if there weren't for Mommy and Daddy.:
Me: "Yeah, where do you think kids come from?"
E: "From a Zombie."...
dadFAIL
L: "You gotta organize your library here dad--especially this shelf where its piled and stacked."
Me: "This coming from the girl whose room is a mess."
L: "Don't you yell at me when my room is a mess? Shouldn't I yell at you when your room is a mess?"
dadFAIL
When you're kids know you too well.... they know how to get away with stuff. Here's a conversation I had with my second oldest after they had built a tent on their bed.
Me: "hey, no playing in a tent, clean this up."
E: "we're not playing in a tent, we're playing Star Trek."
Me: "Do you think just because it's Star Trek, I'll let you play?"
E: "Yeah."
dadFAIL
I'm a huge Star Trek fan and my kids know it.
S has a habit of not eating her food. All the kids have a habit of not using utensils like they are supposed to. I was attempting to address the former problem at lunch today.
Me commenting on her full plate of food: "S you've hardly touched your food."
S: "I know, I used my fork."
dadFAIL
So my wife and I are in a silly mood, which involves some teasing. She didn't get much sleep, so that means she laughs at everything and is jovial until she crashes later in the day.
She teased me and I got a good nature ribbing back.
After one zinger, she playfully whacked me with a rolled up magazine.
S happened to see it: "Hey, Mom! Don't hit Dad."
AJ: "Daddy was mean to Mommy."
S: "Oh. Ok then"
dadFAIL
Tonight I tried to appeal to my character with my daughter.
L: "Is 'oh my gosh' a bad word because you just said it?"
Rather than give a simple yes or no, I tried to appeal to her on the basis of my character.
Me: "Well do you think if it was a bad word that I would have said it?"
L: "Yes"
dadFAIL
Me to 1 of the kids: "Don't push your luck."
her: "What does that mean?"
Me: "It means don't tempt fate."
her: "What does that mean?"
Me, toying with her: "It means be careful b/c you're on thin ice."
her: "What does THAT mean?"
dadFAIL
While out with the two youngest:
Me: "Do you want a surprise?"
Girls: "YEAH!"
S (3 yrs old): "Like a party?!"
Me: "A surprise is like a party. Can you guess where we are going to go?"
After giving some hints, we arrive at Dunkin' Donuts. We order donuts.
5 minutes later after S is halfway through her donut: "There's no party here; we need to go where there is a party."
Me: "But this is your surprise. Daddy bought you a donut."
S: "Yeah, but there's no party here."
On the way home: "Are we going to a party now?"
S: "Daddy, can I bring my blankie downstairs?"
Me: "Sure"
5 min later AJ comes inside: "Get that blankie upstairs, you know you aren't allowed to have it down here."
S: "Daddy said so."
Me sensing I've been thrown under the bus: "Thanks Samantha, thanks a lot"
S: "Thank YOU Daddy."
dadFAIL
Me: "It's time to read our Bible devotions."
S (3yrs old): "Can I read them with you Dad?"
Me: "Honey, you don't know how to read."
S: "I can read!"
Me: "Really? Ok" pointing to the word 'Wednesday,' "What does this say?"
S: "There is a Y, W, D, A, S..." pausing to look at me, "SEE! Dad, I can read."
DadFAIL
Pointing at M, AJ says to me: "You can clean up that mess."
Me to M, with a big grin: "Who's a mess?"
M, who at 18 months doesn't say much, looks at me, points with her fork and says, "You"
dadFAIL
So for family devotions tonight we were reviewing the Westminster Shorter Catechism:
Q. 8. How doth God execute his decrees?
A. God executeth his decrees in the works of creation and providence
Genesis 50:20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.After devotions:
Yesterday when L was told not to do something she went off sulking.
Me: "L, are you sulking?"
L: "What's sulking?"
Me: "Its when you go off and pout?"
L: "What's pout?"
Me: "When you are brooding."
L: "What is brooding?"
DadFAIL
E: "Dad look at my little caterpillar." Shows him to me crawling on her hand.
Me because we have to go run errands: "Wow, that's nice. Now, E go inside and was your hands, you were playing in the dirt"
E goes inside, washes hands, comes back out.
E: "Dad, I can't find my caterpillar, I took him upstair, but now he fell off and I can't find him."
DadFAIL
Cleaning up from dinner M (1 yr old) decided to hold up her placemat, dumping crumbs on the table.
Me: "M put your placemat down."
She promptly turns, hangs it over the floor and goes to put it down.
dadFAIL
Me to E as I help her get her sneakers on: "Do you like these shoes?"
E: "I like all my shoes..."
Yup, she's a woman.
Stupid me for asking such a dumb question.
DadFAIL
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